Stress is when you wake up screaming and you realize you haven't fallen asleep yet. I have been like this in the past couple of weeks I would love to blame Tyler & Jamie but I know that I cannot because I am the only one that can cause my own stress. With Tyler leaving to boot camp, I sit and worry about: who will take care of him if he gets sick, will they feed him properly, will they pick on him and the list goes on and on. I know the answers to these questions but I have a hard time accepting them, because in my eyes I am the only one that can take care of him right feed him right and protect him from being picked on. I know crazy huh? Jamie has been wonderful putting up with me and it isn't easy, so Thank-You Jamie for you must be going nuts.
I tell Tyler how I feel and he thinks that I'm crazy and says he will be just fine. It probably is not easy for Tyler to get ready to go when I am all stressing out cuz then he starts stressing out and Jamie starts stressing out.
and it keeps going around and around and around, I then want to go hide and become an unemotional glob and put up walls around me that it takes Jamie to yell at me to "wake up". I now, realizing this am angry with myself letting stress control me. Why is it that when I know that it is happening let it happen. Is it me liking the struggle, am I stubborn (don't answer that) I don't want to become vulnerable, or am I just me and seem to have to fight it just to learn a hard lesson. ( sounds like mom huh?) I don't like feeling this way it hurts far too much mentally and physically. It also causes me to get pissy about the stupidist small things and the only thing that I am ignoring is the big thing. Talking about it helps but I seem to talk it to death for it to go away and I'm sure it's getting to Jamie & Tyler to have to keep hearing the same thing everyday, I then tend to doubt myself and ask am I making the right decision, yadda, yadda, yadda. It's like I am a rat in a cage stuck on the wheel and can't seem to stop it. I have tried everything and beyond, so today I am starting something new, (complaining to you people) just kidding.
I will let you know if it works. So that is my babble.
Jodi
5 comments:
Aunt Jodi-
I still have my stress management book if you want to llok through it. We had power points in class... so if you would like to seem any of them let me know, I can save them before my online stuff closes before the class.
But I said before, take sometime for yourself everyday, you need it. Either sit and listen to your fav music or go for a walk. Just relax, I know it is hard, but I was able to do it with the whooe Katie thing. I now can use my positive self talk. An example of positive self-talk is: Say a driver cuts you off and is speeding.. instead of cussing and get ticked off think this: maybe he needs to get the hospital for some reason. You can think something on that line. I know you can use self-talk with Tyler. He will be fine.
Love You
BRandi
Oh Joda, I don't even know how to put into words what I want to say. I cannot imagine what you are feeling as Tyler continues to grow and experience new things in life. This is YOUR LITTLE BOY!! I imagine much of the stress you feel could be partly anxiety too, you are such a good Mom and its natural to wonder who is going to take care of your boy while he is gone. Bruno did the same thing during his summer before he was a Senior, he was fortunate enough to have his Dad in the service who was able to swear him in after his training. And he said it was OK Jode, Ty will be great. Joda, I know this is going to be tough on you. I remember when Tyler was first born and you lived a couple blocks from me. I loved coming to see you guys, but at the same time I was so depressed (??) or sad or something for you... and you know why? Because you were my little sister and I know newborns are tough and I don't know, I just felt bad for you.. buts what's the wierdest is that when Debbie had kids I didn't feel scared for her.(Don't take that wrong Deb, its just that you are older so I figured you knew more-- and I am older than Joda and I figured I knew more... Not true.) You know why... you are my little sister and I feel my heartstrings tugging right now because you are not going to see Tyler for 6 wks. Either way, both of my sissys are different from me because you actually carried these children in you..I have not. I imagine the love you have for your children --- even when they don't want to touch the laundry twice.
Love you -- call me anytime.
Wow...I know how you feel Jodi, just different circumstances as far as why we are afraid for our kids. Jean...I may have be older but believe me, that doesn't make me wiser. I sure wish kids came with directions!
Hang in there Jodi...and you know you can call me too..Lord knows I've cried on your shoulder enough.
Love ya,
Deb
Jode, I'm with you. Mine are growing and leaving too. I worry a lot about Jessie cuz she has no real plan. i don't want her to fail so i keep telling her what to do and not allowing her to live and experience life. I am afraid of the men that both of my girls will meet in life. Mandy has it all figured out! She of course considers herself to be 25 already and sees no reason why I should be upset that she wants to stay he weekend at a cabin with her boyfriend and another couple!
The mere fact that Tyler wants to get into life says something about your parenting skills. I do believe he will be surprised at how incompetent many of the other soldiers are going to be. He will tell you that he met guys that can't even make a bed, do laundry, manage money or time. Your son is an arrow in your quiver. You have spent 17 yrs drawing him out, putting him in your bow, aiming...and now launching...you have done well.
Thanks for the blog! I love reading the things you write about. They always leave me with something to think about and chew on.
Thank you all so much for
your sayings!! One thing I did not say is: Jamie has been a huge part of Tyler's decisions and the way he is.
Brandi, Thank you! also thank you for having the guts to reply being so young and such. Most people wouldn't.
Jeanie, I know I call you all the time but never tell you my problems. and as for being not Brent's biological mom, it's really no different, I feel the same way about Michael, is he okay? etc etc...
Debbie, You have also been through alot. Why don't I call you more and say man, what the????? how the????
it's that vulnerable thing ya know?!?!
David, It is always great to hear from you and that I am not alone cuz you put your self out there and actually say it, even so sometimes it may make you seem mean. I also have a hard time letting Tyler experience things without saying: is there mom & dad home? do they smoke? do they etc etc...
your comments and blogs make me reflect. You remind me of Jamie, instead of feeling bad look at the bright side. So I thank you both for that. I also love what you write about on your personal blogs. you put a story into something I hopefully we can all relate to regardless of our religion, it is way cool.
Thanks
lots of Love
Toad, Joda, Imp, Bratlet and whatever else
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