I have had to say Goodbye a lot these last few days. There is absolutely nothing good about saying goodbye. As a matter-of-fact, it pretty much sucks. I have said goodbye to my Pastor, who is an awesome friend, (moving to Wisconsin), I have said goodbye to numerous kids whom I have watched grow up, like Lollie, Sarah and Taylor, all friends of Mandy's who will be leaving for college. I have said goodbye to Mandy, who has left for college and starting of her adult life. I have actually openly cried a lot this last weekend, Kris too.
I remember when I left home. I knew that I would not be coming back. I knew that I was headed away and would keep going on with my life. I have visited and called and stuff, but I never really came back. That is the feeling I got when I said goodbye to Mandy. She'll be off living her life enjoying, being, loving, but far away, just like I did. It seemed so final. I know her life is going to be so full and I am so very happy and sad all at the same time. I will hear about things happening, not get to witness them, I'll get pictures or video, not actually watch it unfold in front of me. I'll visit and get a snapshot of her life, not really participate in it. I know that I will be proud of all she accomplishes in life.
Maybe I am being melodramatic. I don't know or care right now. I just know it hurts and I miss her already.
Jessy will be back next week. What an adventure she has had! She will be living here for a few months, getting back on her feet and getting ready to attend college in Illinois. I am really going to enjoy these next few months before she goes off to her next adventure. They are all adventures for Jess! I have no idea how I will react when she leaves, not well, no doubt. I am amazed at the depth of passion she has for the disenfranchised, marginalized people of the world. Her heart is so big and I know she will always be helping someone.
Zach is next...who knows where he will be in 2 years. It will be unique with just me, mom, and Zach home. I am eager to see our relationship change and grow over the next few years. He is growing into a fine young man and I am proud of him.
Kris and I will soon have the luxury of redefining our relationship as our kids grow and move. I am looking forward to the time we will have to rediscover some things that all parents put on hold to raise their kids.
Dave
4 comments:
Your not being melodramatic at all; I know, Debbie knows how it feels when the youngens leave. I understand the hurt and I also understand re-discovering things with Kris, it's kinda like your excited about it but then you feel guilty as a parent that they have to take the "baggage" that we leave them with, we hope we have given them more good than bad but the bad always seems to stick out. Why didn't I do this why didn't I do that, did I say enough?
I just figured it out: we judge ourselves through our kids, well at least I do.
Good-bye's are future hello's and endings mean new beginnings, still feels like someone kicked you in the chest.
Love you guys, Jodi & Jamie
You've been a great dad, great parents. Your kids have a wonderful start at their new lives! Just remember...home is where the heart is. They always come home Dave, even if its just for a short time.
Love ya,
Deb
Oh Dave, I am in tears right now. Which would surprise nobody!! I am sad for you and happy all at the same time. I appreciate that you can share your feelings like this with us.
Love you all and will be thinking of you.
Love Middle Sissy.
(jeanie) hee hee
that's life
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