After reading my mom's blog, I thought that you (the family/reader) should know where I stand and how I feel. First off, this with Katie has been one of the hardest things I have been through. I looked up to Katie. I would seek advice from her about guys. I would also tell her anything and everything that I felt my big sister should know. Than she took off. It felt as though a part of me has left.
I tried to fill that part of my life.. having someone there for me. But anyone that I found and tried to talk to them, it just wasn't the same. The last time I talked to Katie, I told her that I have had enough of everything that has been going on, and the next thing that she does the screws up her life, I was done talking to her. Well, it has come to that point. But I did write her a letter the other day. I wanted her to know how my life was going.
I am going to be 21 in December and I have always had the dream of my big sister taking me to the bars with her. If all goes well, I will be graduating with my two year degree next year around this time. There are certain things in my life that I want my sister to be there.
Overall with everything that has gone on, I honestly do not know what to do. I have Pat to talk too, but I feel sometimes that he does not want to hear it, and I hate bringing it up to my mom because I know how she feels. I tried talking to a counselor at school and that helped some what, but there are more personal things that I need/want to tell someone but I can't. Erin, the counselor from school always tells me to keep my head up and stay strong and focus on me. This is a lot harder than it sounds. I felt that the family should know how I feel about the things going on.
Brandi
6 comments:
Brandi,
No apology needed! You have your 2 jobs,school,Pat and your friends etc etc. Those are things essential to life. As Erin said...you do need to focus on you. Life goes too fast not to!
Love ya lots,
Mom
Brandi, You are so sweeeet!!! Reading this only makes me appreciate my sisters more.
There have been times in the past where we sisters have hated, annoyed ( they still do annoy me) LOL! and just didn't want to be around each other, but we have always found our way back. So leave that light on for Katie and don't forget about yourself.
I know that she thinks no one cares, it's easy to do that in her situation because your ashamed, embarrassed and are worried if anyone will ever trust you again. I would know I lived in her hell for along time, and she'll try to make us feel guilty for what she is doing. All's I can say is just support her and when she goes into her nobody loves me thing etc etc just know that it is becasue she wants someone to pull her out and she doesn't know how or want to how to ask for HELP.
Grandpa Larry, would be a great person to talk to about this, know I put him through hell and back. But the best thing is he is my dad again.
So if you want to use me as an example if or when you talk or write to Katie, Please do so.
also remember there are alot of people in this family that will help you understand and teach you how to deal with a sister who is a drug addict.
It helps it stops the heart from hurting a little more each day.
Grandpa Larry once taught me a lesson, He says to me Joda it is okay to be happy when someone else it hurting, I'm like yeah right dad and I think I actually got crabby at him. It sucks I know.
anyway If you ever need to talk about this to me or Jamie do not feel stupid or scared we would be more than happy to help you out!
Love you
your Auntie Jodi
and Uncle Jamie
Ber,
Ok, first of all, once again your Mom and Ant Jodi got to this first--- (They always have to be first don't they?) LOL!! Wow, that is the first time I have used one of those types of abbreviations, I feel so young. Anyway, as I was reading what you wrote my heart felt bad for you. I am lucky to have my Sissy's to go to; you will again some day. I miss Katie very much also-- it does seem so surreal that she has been gone for so long, please hang in there.
I know you have come over some times and we have talked about her, but maybe I never realized how much you were hurting because I wasn't really hearing what you were saying; for that I am sorry. You obviously know that your Mom, Ant Jodi and I are here for you always.
Love Ant Jeanie
Katie has been abducted, and will not be returned until she finds help, unfortunately this will not happen until she hits rock bottom.
First off thank you all. It is a lot harder to go to someone than you think. Espically when some of the time I or the other person does not want to talk about it.
Second, I am sorry to say, but I believe Katie is at rock bottom now. When she gets out of jail, she will have nothing... No car, no place to live, no money, no job... noone. It hurts to hear that and say that, but it is true.
I hope Katie has hit her rock bottom but I thought she had done that awhile back. Maybe, just maybe this is it. I do know she is afraid to see the family. As Jodi mentioned before, Katie is ashamed and embarrassed and thinks that she has been disowned. I try hard not to fall for the things she says because I think its her way of trying to make me feel bad and to get sympathy. I asked her why she pulled this last stunt and her reply was "I was desperate". I didn't throw anything back in her face and I very well could have. It wouldn't help me or her. That may still come in time because she needs to know how she has made us all feel. She writes to me from jail and refers to herself as 'your loser daughter'.
Deb
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