COMPASSION vs. VULNERABILITY

I often have a hard time understanding Compassion. I sometimes feel the need to receive it but on the other hand I have a hard time giving it even so I know in my heart someone definitely needs it, I can feel it and want to give it I just don't know how.It makes me feel vulnerable, being vulnerable to me is: sometimes being taken advantage of, letting someone down, failure.I obviously have these walls built up around me, they make me feel safe and I think no one can hurt my feelings. I know by doing this that I am only hurting myself. So why do I freakin do it? I know what Jamie's thoughts are on this and I am grateful that he still puts up with my spoiled butt up on my throne. Why do I have this personality flaw? It works great in the business I am in, cuz people are always complaining that they have to pay for insurance, I think to myself "well duh!" but it is my ability to be black and whitethat people look for in there time of need. I hear so many excuses why people cannot pay their bills or how their spouse is cheating, or their kids are pieces of work and being compassionate only costs my company money.Tylers truck is a great example: I feel for him that it is going to cost him money even so it's his fault but to show it would only mean admitting defeat. I now want to know which one of my sibilings I have to blame that made me this way. was it sitting on the beanbag on top of me, hitting me on the head with their class ring, going to blows with my sister, or how about the frickin woodpecker. I am the youngest so I am allowed to be a brat
.Love yaJodi