I am sad and lonely;
that feeling is back again.
Don't know where I'm going; don't know where I've been.
I walk around in circles because there is nowhere else to go.
If there is a reason for my time on earth I don't know what it is.
Do I really serve a purpose or am I taking up space?
May 31, 2010
Apr 27, 2010
Change
It has been 42 days since I have not worked. I am bored, frustrated somewhat depressed and are having anxiety attacks that do not let me sleep. Everyday during the week I get up around 8:00 a.m. make my coffee get on the computer and do job searching for around 2-3 hours.
I have had some phone calls back and some interviews, no job yet. It makes you feel like a loser and not worth a whole lot that you cannot contribute to your family's needs the way you would want. Jamie, being the rock of my life is so supportive and helpful getting me through this, he does have to put up with my spoiled butt. Yes, I have finally admitted it, I am spoiled.
I have decided after watching Jamie do his college classes that I would enroll and really do what I want and feel that I need to do with my life. I enrolled through Kaplan online services, they are an accredited school. I will be getting my associates degree in Human Services. I have not yet decided what area of Human Services that I will do, there are so many things I have thought about: Drug Rehab, counselor for married couples having problems, grief counselor, the list goes on and on.
I am so excited that I am doing it, elated actually. I wish I would have done it earlier but I really felt like I was stuck at a job, I was making $18.00 an hour. I mean really, who could turn that down? (It makes it very difficult to find a job these days that I have to make to pay the bills, It doesn't have to be $18.00 closer to $14.00 & part time is out of the question.)
I finally figured out that Tom my old boss was using me and paying me that much to keep me there because he didn't want to do any work on his own. It's not that he even liked me as a person, apparently I am too blunt, I wear my feelings on my sleeve, If I don't like something I will say it. Long story with him which I will write about, maybe someday.
I have realized I am much happier, healthier and meant for something so much bigger.
I was told he was in hell without me there and regrets getting rid of me, which was his daughters idea. Karma sucks!
Enough about me.
Jamie is doing classes in Business Management geared towards the Human Resources end of it. He is getting a 4.0 right now and will not accept anything below that. Jamie is so smart & intelligent that I know he will be great at whatever he does.
Tyler is Tyler, he moved about a couple of months ago and is finally working. YEA!
He still hasn't heard when he gets deployed but has been doing a lot of live training action. This weekend he goes to Camp Ripley to play with Grenades and to take is Military driving test, he has to take that because he will be ambulance driver over in Afghani. Nice big X on the top of his truck :(
I am so looking forward to Brandi's wedding!! I love when family is together. Huh? J.K.
Life is great!
Love ya all
Jode
I have had some phone calls back and some interviews, no job yet. It makes you feel like a loser and not worth a whole lot that you cannot contribute to your family's needs the way you would want. Jamie, being the rock of my life is so supportive and helpful getting me through this, he does have to put up with my spoiled butt. Yes, I have finally admitted it, I am spoiled.
I have decided after watching Jamie do his college classes that I would enroll and really do what I want and feel that I need to do with my life. I enrolled through Kaplan online services, they are an accredited school. I will be getting my associates degree in Human Services. I have not yet decided what area of Human Services that I will do, there are so many things I have thought about: Drug Rehab, counselor for married couples having problems, grief counselor, the list goes on and on.
I am so excited that I am doing it, elated actually. I wish I would have done it earlier but I really felt like I was stuck at a job, I was making $18.00 an hour. I mean really, who could turn that down? (It makes it very difficult to find a job these days that I have to make to pay the bills, It doesn't have to be $18.00 closer to $14.00 & part time is out of the question.)
I finally figured out that Tom my old boss was using me and paying me that much to keep me there because he didn't want to do any work on his own. It's not that he even liked me as a person, apparently I am too blunt, I wear my feelings on my sleeve, If I don't like something I will say it. Long story with him which I will write about, maybe someday.
I have realized I am much happier, healthier and meant for something so much bigger.
I was told he was in hell without me there and regrets getting rid of me, which was his daughters idea. Karma sucks!
Enough about me.
Jamie is doing classes in Business Management geared towards the Human Resources end of it. He is getting a 4.0 right now and will not accept anything below that. Jamie is so smart & intelligent that I know he will be great at whatever he does.
Tyler is Tyler, he moved about a couple of months ago and is finally working. YEA!
He still hasn't heard when he gets deployed but has been doing a lot of live training action. This weekend he goes to Camp Ripley to play with Grenades and to take is Military driving test, he has to take that because he will be ambulance driver over in Afghani. Nice big X on the top of his truck :(
I am so looking forward to Brandi's wedding!! I love when family is together. Huh? J.K.
Life is great!
Love ya all
Jode
Mar 26, 2010
The Sun is here!!
Spring is almost here, the weather is getting nicer and nicer each day!! I am busy planning the wedding, the the last few fine details done and out of the way. I am also working 3 jobs. Monday March 29th is my last day at the college. I put in my notice. I am still working at Aldi, it has been just over a year. I recently got a new job at North Country Ford Lincoln Mercury in Coon Rapids. So Far I like. There are a few things I still need to learn, but I have caught on pretty quick.
Pat and I will be moving in May. We do not care for the apartment we are in-it is kind of crappy. We are moving to North Pointe, down the street from my mom :) I get to live on the street I grew up on. That is my mom's dream, to have all of her children close to her... ha ha so kidding.
Hope all is well!! Looking forward to August and seeing you all!!
Love,
Brandi
Pat and I will be moving in May. We do not care for the apartment we are in-it is kind of crappy. We are moving to North Pointe, down the street from my mom :) I get to live on the street I grew up on. That is my mom's dream, to have all of her children close to her... ha ha so kidding.
Hope all is well!! Looking forward to August and seeing you all!!
Love,
Brandi
Mar 23, 2010
Spring in Washington
Spring has sprung in the Evergreen State!
I, however, am not out enjoying it because I am recovering from my "Joe Theisman" type of leg break. I made it 42 years without so much as a stitch and I basically broke my leg off skiing a few weeks back. I am a ski Instructor at the same resort but it didn't happen when I was giving a lesson...just rippin it up on my own. I no longer feel the need for speed.
It was a compound fracture of both the tibia and fibia (sp?), and a little know 3rd leg bone that "floats" down there. I now have a titanium rod running from my knee to my ankle holding all the bones in place.
The Dr. says there may be more surgeries to come, but we'll have to wait and see about that. It will be 8 weeks before I can walk again. I'm taking a month off work and my Spring Break week will be 5 weeks off fro healing. After that, I will have to be in a wheel chair for a few weeks. Just keeping you updated.
Thanks for the Care Package, Myrna!
Love, Ron
p.s. everyone else is fabulous!
I, however, am not out enjoying it because I am recovering from my "Joe Theisman" type of leg break. I made it 42 years without so much as a stitch and I basically broke my leg off skiing a few weeks back. I am a ski Instructor at the same resort but it didn't happen when I was giving a lesson...just rippin it up on my own. I no longer feel the need for speed.
It was a compound fracture of both the tibia and fibia (sp?), and a little know 3rd leg bone that "floats" down there. I now have a titanium rod running from my knee to my ankle holding all the bones in place.
The Dr. says there may be more surgeries to come, but we'll have to wait and see about that. It will be 8 weeks before I can walk again. I'm taking a month off work and my Spring Break week will be 5 weeks off fro healing. After that, I will have to be in a wheel chair for a few weeks. Just keeping you updated.
Thanks for the Care Package, Myrna!
Love, Ron
p.s. everyone else is fabulous!
Feb 24, 2010
The in's & out's the up's & down's
So, Hi! Just gonna write about the last couple of months.
Jamie and I went to see Ty graduate from AIT, it was awesome! We were in San Antonio which is a beautiful city, If you haven't been there before I suggest you go. Dad & Myrna were there and stayed at the same hotel as us... as a matter of fact right down the hallway. We decided to sit out by the pool and play poker and chat, It was one of the best times I have had in a long while, by the way, Dad cheats at poker he had cards hidden up his sleeve. LOL!!! Not really. We did end up getting asked to leave the pool area that night, I guess it was past pool time, I personally think that they just didn't want us there, we were kinda loud due to laughing.
Our hotel room looked out over the Alamo, I love that place it is very humbling when you walk through it. Warning to Jeanie, If you ever go there you will have tears in your eyes, more than likely you will cry.
One of the days we rode up on the space-needle thing, I thought I was gonna puke but didn't let it show, I thought for sure the cables were gonna break. The observation deck was amazing, we looked out over the city and yes it was way up high.
We did hang out with Mom and Donnie, it was good to see them, mom was being mom and Donnie was being Donnie. Jamie and I are very grateful that they stayed down there so Tyler had some family around.
A couple of weeks ago Jamie and I had dinner with Richard & Ann, It was great talking with them, we don't do that enough, Jamie and I have been talking to find out where to go to next, we are thinking brunch at Lake Elmo Inn.
Tyler had decided to move out, it is about a mile away so we can still see him enough, pretty sure he will have to use the washer and dryer, eat some food, dirty the dishes..... :) I am happy for him that he wants to see what it is like, I am just hoping he likes it a lot. Jamie and I are going to renovate his room.
I found out a couple of weeks ago my hours at work are getting cut from 4 days a week down to 2. My boss says it is because he is losing money, I believe something else, it is a very, very long story, If you want to hear about it (which some of you have) you will have to call me. I have been sending in resumes daily and have an interview this Friday, Yeah! I cannot fathom not being able to pay my bills, I am going to apply for unemployment unless I get a job within the next week, the problem with unemployment is you only recieve half of your normal wages. We are still paying on credit card debt, mind you, we closed these accounts a year ago and do not use them. are interest rate is as low as they will go for us which is 5.9%.
So life here is great, stressful, happy, sad etc..... which I am pretty sure you all have been there.
I think that is all for now, looking forward to the summer, Brandi's wedding and new employment.
k bye now
Love from us
Jamie and I went to see Ty graduate from AIT, it was awesome! We were in San Antonio which is a beautiful city, If you haven't been there before I suggest you go. Dad & Myrna were there and stayed at the same hotel as us... as a matter of fact right down the hallway. We decided to sit out by the pool and play poker and chat, It was one of the best times I have had in a long while, by the way, Dad cheats at poker he had cards hidden up his sleeve. LOL!!! Not really. We did end up getting asked to leave the pool area that night, I guess it was past pool time, I personally think that they just didn't want us there, we were kinda loud due to laughing.
Our hotel room looked out over the Alamo, I love that place it is very humbling when you walk through it. Warning to Jeanie, If you ever go there you will have tears in your eyes, more than likely you will cry.
One of the days we rode up on the space-needle thing, I thought I was gonna puke but didn't let it show, I thought for sure the cables were gonna break. The observation deck was amazing, we looked out over the city and yes it was way up high.
We did hang out with Mom and Donnie, it was good to see them, mom was being mom and Donnie was being Donnie. Jamie and I are very grateful that they stayed down there so Tyler had some family around.
A couple of weeks ago Jamie and I had dinner with Richard & Ann, It was great talking with them, we don't do that enough, Jamie and I have been talking to find out where to go to next, we are thinking brunch at Lake Elmo Inn.
Tyler had decided to move out, it is about a mile away so we can still see him enough, pretty sure he will have to use the washer and dryer, eat some food, dirty the dishes..... :) I am happy for him that he wants to see what it is like, I am just hoping he likes it a lot. Jamie and I are going to renovate his room.
I found out a couple of weeks ago my hours at work are getting cut from 4 days a week down to 2. My boss says it is because he is losing money, I believe something else, it is a very, very long story, If you want to hear about it (which some of you have) you will have to call me. I have been sending in resumes daily and have an interview this Friday, Yeah! I cannot fathom not being able to pay my bills, I am going to apply for unemployment unless I get a job within the next week, the problem with unemployment is you only recieve half of your normal wages. We are still paying on credit card debt, mind you, we closed these accounts a year ago and do not use them. are interest rate is as low as they will go for us which is 5.9%.
So life here is great, stressful, happy, sad etc..... which I am pretty sure you all have been there.
I think that is all for now, looking forward to the summer, Brandi's wedding and new employment.
k bye now
Love from us
Feb 2, 2010
Is Anyone There??
Hi,
I often wonder what prevents me from keeping in touch. I use the "life is too busy" excuse alot...most often just in my own mind as I'm thinking about one of you. I'm really not too busy....just hiding. I often wonder why I don't remember things from the past the way some of you do - Jean - with such clarity. I have my own individual memories....but not many of us -interacting in life. Maybe they're hiding from me. I talked to Deb on the phone earlier tonight and later, checked out this blog, and other blogs that were listed as links because I've been wondering what everyone is up to. I found one sib posted something today.....cool....of all days to check a blog......I find a post from today. I read another blog that I wish I had read some time ago becasue it has such a strong message......but how wierd that I read it today....on a day when my thoughts have drifted to how everyone is doing. Do any of you watch the TV show "Lost"? Kind of explains how I'm feeling this mid-winter. Lost and out of touch......but I have no solution, no ideas, no resolution - just tomorrow.....another busy day with a wife, three kids, a dog, and a job.
Rich
I often wonder what prevents me from keeping in touch. I use the "life is too busy" excuse alot...most often just in my own mind as I'm thinking about one of you. I'm really not too busy....just hiding. I often wonder why I don't remember things from the past the way some of you do - Jean - with such clarity. I have my own individual memories....but not many of us -interacting in life. Maybe they're hiding from me. I talked to Deb on the phone earlier tonight and later, checked out this blog, and other blogs that were listed as links because I've been wondering what everyone is up to. I found one sib posted something today.....cool....of all days to check a blog......I find a post from today. I read another blog that I wish I had read some time ago becasue it has such a strong message......but how wierd that I read it today....on a day when my thoughts have drifted to how everyone is doing. Do any of you watch the TV show "Lost"? Kind of explains how I'm feeling this mid-winter. Lost and out of touch......but I have no solution, no ideas, no resolution - just tomorrow.....another busy day with a wife, three kids, a dog, and a job.
Rich
Nov 19, 2009
Too much going on
Hey everyone, i see noone is really blogging anymore like before. I figured I would make an update on myself since I do not talk to everyone on a regular basis.
As most of you know, I am currently working two full-time jobs and am enrolled in eight credits in school. I am also trying to plan my wedding. I working Monday thru Friday 8am-4:30 p.m. at Anoka-Ramsey Community College. Mind you, I am just a temp. THe job was recently posted and someone bid on it and is talking my job. I am sad I will be leaving ARCC after three years of working here, but there is nothing I can do about it since it is a union position and I have no bidding rights. At Aldi, I work 20+ hours a week. I work every Sunday 10 am (open)-7pm (close). During the week I get scheduled two or three days starting at five pm until close. I then go home after that and try to relax after my day.
Lately, I have been super stressed. I had put in a letter if interest for the job at the school that I am currently temping for. I was worried about not getting it, which I did not because there were eligible bidders. So I am not worried about money for rent and what not if I will not be getting 30+ hours at Aldi (which I am sure we can do). I also have been stressing about not having time for homework. I work so much I normally do not get to it until Sunday night after work and it is due 11:00 pm every Sunday night, my classes are all online this semester!! As far as wedding stuff, I sometimes feel overwhelmed with things. I have people asking me all these questions. Pat's mom is trying to help plan, but it really is making it worse. I have not spoke to her or seen her since Halloween. I am scared I will blow up on her for trying to help, even though she is making my stress worse. With all the things that have been going on, my body is FINALLY telling me to calm the heck down... I went to the doctor on Tuesday because I had this weird rash on my arm, and it looked as if it was starting to blister. Turns out I have shingles... we (the doc and myself) seem to think this occurred because of my stress level. I am 21 years old, I should not be working two full-time jobs and struggling to keep up with school (no worries, I am getting B's in my classes). This is a big sign for to start taking things slower. I know things will fall into place; something worse could have happened to me, so I am thankful it is just shingles!
On the good note, I found my wedding dress!! I am very excited!!! You will have to wait until August to see it. The bridesmaids also picked out the dresses they want to wear! The color is called Mermaid, it is a teal color.
How is everyone doing?!?!
Jodi, thank you for the updates on Tyler!1 I enjoy hearing on how he is doing.
Love yah,
Brandi
As most of you know, I am currently working two full-time jobs and am enrolled in eight credits in school. I am also trying to plan my wedding. I working Monday thru Friday 8am-4:30 p.m. at Anoka-Ramsey Community College. Mind you, I am just a temp. THe job was recently posted and someone bid on it and is talking my job. I am sad I will be leaving ARCC after three years of working here, but there is nothing I can do about it since it is a union position and I have no bidding rights. At Aldi, I work 20+ hours a week. I work every Sunday 10 am (open)-7pm (close). During the week I get scheduled two or three days starting at five pm until close. I then go home after that and try to relax after my day.
Lately, I have been super stressed. I had put in a letter if interest for the job at the school that I am currently temping for. I was worried about not getting it, which I did not because there were eligible bidders. So I am not worried about money for rent and what not if I will not be getting 30+ hours at Aldi (which I am sure we can do). I also have been stressing about not having time for homework. I work so much I normally do not get to it until Sunday night after work and it is due 11:00 pm every Sunday night, my classes are all online this semester!! As far as wedding stuff, I sometimes feel overwhelmed with things. I have people asking me all these questions. Pat's mom is trying to help plan, but it really is making it worse. I have not spoke to her or seen her since Halloween. I am scared I will blow up on her for trying to help, even though she is making my stress worse. With all the things that have been going on, my body is FINALLY telling me to calm the heck down... I went to the doctor on Tuesday because I had this weird rash on my arm, and it looked as if it was starting to blister. Turns out I have shingles... we (the doc and myself) seem to think this occurred because of my stress level. I am 21 years old, I should not be working two full-time jobs and struggling to keep up with school (no worries, I am getting B's in my classes). This is a big sign for to start taking things slower. I know things will fall into place; something worse could have happened to me, so I am thankful it is just shingles!
On the good note, I found my wedding dress!! I am very excited!!! You will have to wait until August to see it. The bridesmaids also picked out the dresses they want to wear! The color is called Mermaid, it is a teal color.
How is everyone doing?!?!
Jodi, thank you for the updates on Tyler!1 I enjoy hearing on how he is doing.
Love yah,
Brandi
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